This Monday I am again participating in a weekly blog about Motherhood with some fellow mom bloggers. While some of my posts have been light hearted, this one is very personal. I hope you will enjoy reading about one of the MAJOR motherhood miracles I have experienced.
One of the things I didn’t really understand or believe before having children was the “connection” a child has with their mother. I read about special bonds that a mother would have with their child, and be skeptical about the validity. I mean, these are just two separate beings, one just happened to grow in the other’s belly, instead of an egg. When I was pregnant with my first child, I marveled at the baby growing in my belly, and loved tracking his size relative to different fruits and vegetables. As I got into my third trimester, and unable to walk very well, I would sit at my desk falling in love with the little kicks in my belly. When people would jokingly ask me if I had moved all day, I would reply “Hey! I grew an arm today. What have YOU done.”.
In my second post about my life with a medical condition (hydrocephalus), I wrote about being nervous to tell my boyfriend (now husband) that I was not sure if I could have a successful pregnancy. I wasn’t sure because there was no data about women living with hydrocephalus who had had conceived and successfully delivered a baby. The lack of information was surprising, since the treatment for hydrocephalus (a fluid regulator, also known as a shunt) had been around for over 50 years. Surely during that time some hydrocephalic women had become pregnant or had tried to conceive. But I found nothing, and neither did my doctor. So when I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I had already experienced a miracle. But that was not the only miracle I would experience about motherhood.
On my son’s due date I went into labor, but ended up having an emergency C-section. A week later my shunt failed, and my C-section incision became infected. As I lay in an ICU room unconscious, my husband gave permission to my neurosurgeon to try a newer, slightly higher risk procedure on me. This procedure (an ETV) would potentially relieve me of my shunt, and cure me of hydrocephalus. So three weeks after giving birth to my first child, the ETV procedure was performed on me. After the surgery, my body seemed to have remembered how to function without a shunt and was physically accepting the removal of the shunt. Everything about the procedure had gone smoothly, and the pressure readings in my ventricles were reading normal. But I was failing to turn around. I wouldn’t talk, I was always sleeping, and I wouldn’t look at anyone. When I asked my husband how he knew something wasn’t right, he said that my eyes had lost their light. My family and nursing staff was worried that I would not recover. Then one of the nurses had an idea. She asked my husband if he would be willing to bring our new born son into the room. After he quickly responded “YES!”, they made all of the arrangements necessary to safely bring a new born into the ICU. The nurses then brought my son into the room and handed him to my husband. As soon as I saw my son, my body physically reacted by lactating. Then, when my husband laid my son next to me, I reacted. I looked at him. He looked at me. As my son snuggled into my body, the light came back into my eyes. I started smiling and talking. My son, the son I lived 29 years unsure if I could even have, had reminded me that he needed me. He reminded me that my purpose on this earth had not been fulfilled. He reminded me that he needed his mother. That he needed his mother back at home with him, strong and ready to raise him.
After seeing and holding my son, I was in the ICU for less than a week, and discharged from the hospital two days later. The connection that my son and I had was undeniable. He was just a few weeks old and I was barely conscious, and yet our bond was strong enough to provide healing. The day my son was brought into my room was the first of several motherhood miracles I would experience because of my children.
For more about my life with hydrocephalus, please read:
Thank you for letting me sharing this very personal story with you. Please check out the my fellow mom bloggers’ Motherhood Miracles: