I’ve taken a small hiatus from my blog since the birth of my third boy. As my first post back, I am again joining a great group of women who are sharing their stories of motherhood. With the arrival of a newborn, I find it a little funny the week I am able to write again the topic is Motherhood Messes. Motherhood is many wonderful things, but it is also messy. Motherhood has a way of making the most organized, most put together person a hot mess. Nothing reminds of this better than my newborn boy. You see, my third child was a complete, and utter surprise. Not like a “we were kind of preventing” surprise, but a “we cut my tubes, but I still got pregnant” kind of surprise.
Our plan from the beginning of our marriage was always to have only two kids. This way we would always be running man-to-man defense anywhere we went, instead of zone. Also, I always planned to have my 2 kids spaced out enough so I never had two babies in diapers. So once kid #1 was potty trained, I was finally ready to try for #2.
When my second son was born, our life was a little more complicated, but manageable. While I was on maternity leave, my oldest stayed out of daycare. Since he was almost 4, he could pretty much entertain himself when I had to take care of the baby’s needs, and was even able to help me every once and awhile. He could get himself a snack and go to the bathroom on his own. A baby and a preschooler was fairly manageable.
Fast forward 18 months later. When I saw the little plus sign on the stick, I really didn’t believe it. During my second son’s birth, the doctor tied one tube, and told my husband and I the other was not viable. So when I got a positive pregnancy test, I was shocked. A third kid was not in my plan. I had my two, four years apart, and our lives had settled into a rhythm. We had moved into a house that fit our family. A three bedroom house. Where were we going to stick this extra kid? Then I started doing the math between my baby and this surprise. My youngest would be barely 2 when this new baby arrived. I’d have two in diapers! I’d have two babies at the same time. My husband and I would now be outnumbered! So many thoughts ran through my head. I called my husband in the middle of his work day. I was not going to wait till he got home, and deal with this news on my own. He needed to feel what I was feeling. So I called and told him. But instead of shock and fear (what I was feeling), I heard laughter. He said he was shocked but still thought it was funny. I was confused by his reaction, so he clarified what was so funny. “WE had our plans, but God had a different plan”. All my thoughts stopped. He was right. It didn’t matter that my plan had been thwarted. It didn’t matter that our rhythm would be disrupted. God had a different plan for me, for our family. Who was I to be upset at his plan?
Now we have three boys, two in diapers. For the past three weeks I’ve gotten to know my new child, and have seen new sides of my older two. They both loved their baby brother from the moment they saw him. Their tenderness towards him is something I never thought I would see from my rough and busy boys. We have no rhythm right now, but I know that will change. What I have learned from my baby boy is that God always has different plans than the ones I make. I’ve learned also that his plans will happen no matter how I try to prevent them. Life right now is crazy and messy, and I feel like I’m just surviving day by day. But there will come a time when I look back on the love my three sons have had for each other from the beginning and see all the beauty. I may only see glimpses of the beauty right now, but as time passes, the beauty will become clearer. Much like an artist must step back from their artwork to get the full affect of their piece, time will allow me to step back and admire the beauty of my family.
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